Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
