First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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