Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
