I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
