...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
