I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
