Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Someone came in the potted fern
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
