Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
