I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
