return my video game
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
