There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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