But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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