You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
