When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
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