I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
