Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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