I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
