i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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