two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Randomize
