I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
He kissed a someone with a penis
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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