it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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