Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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