never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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