I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
