my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
