two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
