K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
