You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
