its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
