First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
