If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
