and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
