2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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