i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
