Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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