We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
