Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
