i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
