i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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