4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
how can u be prego again
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
