Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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