I accidentally had phone sex last night
grandma shit on top of the toilet
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
