fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
