I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
