I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
