i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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