The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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