my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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