Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
