So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
