Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
