That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
zippers are such a cool invention
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Randomize
